DEATH IS THE ULTIMATE AND RIGHTEOUS EQUALIZER

i was a witness to one more death 2day...
someone close to the family this time...
and i have come to the conclusion that if your not someone absolutely close to the deceased [no blood relation n such] and if ur still howling and crying buckets in front of her pyre,
then ur actually crying at your own closely guarded failures and personal loses

[ that girl/guy you thought you loved and who is now married with 2 kids
or ,tht exam you could never crack
or ,tht job u never had
or ,tht vacation u cannot afford
or ,those kids who never listen to u
or ,may be someone really close who is nomore
a jilted lover may be
a broken heart et all ]

i might be wrong but in the unlikely event tht i am,u have to gimme a darned good reason to prove your point.
i remember the first time i cried in a mourning house...
my late pishi who suffered from cancer which worsened into a paralysis and finally a very ,very early death.
it ws a friday and i had juz returned from P3's tuition.
i ws informed BHARATI pishi is critical,might not survive the night.
OK,here s wht u shd know ...BHARATI pishi ws married a year b4 dad and she used to visit our house probably once in 2-3months
or more or during some occasions n such.
n since i never ws exactly wht u wud like to call a SOCIALLY outgoing person [kid then],i ws not really very close to her.
i liked her though.she ws always good to me [like evry1 else] and the preetiest amongst all my dad's bro s n sis s [DAD follows closely behind though].
but the point im trying to make here is tht i was not very close to her,not close enof to cry seeing her having
convulsions and crying out in sheer agony n pain.
but whn i did see her amidst all her misery in the last hours of her life...i CRIED.
i cried like no other [and she was still breathing then,infact she passed away 48hours later or more may b]
i cried as if i really wanted to.
i cried as if i knew i ws going to lose something,someone close,something/someone i didnt want to lose.
and tht SOMEONE/SOMETHING ws not BHARATI pishi.

FLASH BACK to 6 hours from the time whn i started my crying marathon.

my "THEN" gf and i had this routine of meeting every friday after her computer classes and then going together to P3 classes
2gether.
so there i ws all of 17yrs,illusioned ,glassy eyed lover,waiting for his one true,blue love in front of her computer class ,waiting
for it to get over [ OK ,the year ws 2002,so mobile phone s were beyond d imagination for normal school kids{read non-maru kids}]
after waiting for almost an hour,i start walking towards P3 class - needless to say thoroughly pissed,extremely angry,dejected
and ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i walk into P3 s class n there she ws seated beside a guy i hate till date ,with all her generosity and modesty and those
OH-SO-BEAUTIFUL eyes [ i loved those eyes].
i gave her "THE-LOOK" and it gave me immense pleasure to see her freezing.
P3 guessed the tension i suppose ,so didnt make an issue bout me being 45mins late and having missed almost d entire chapter.
so i seated my skinny lil ass [i ws 50kgs then] beside my "THEN" best frnd "K".
K did his lil friend [moi] a huge favour by revealing the whereabouts of my THEN gf.
he sed SHE ws at tht GUY's place [the guy she ws still seating beside and the guy i still hate].

KKAAAAA----BOOOOOMMMMMM

i honestly remember hearing explosions in my head.
if u KNOW me ,u d know thts not a good thing to happen to ME [even at 5feet 6inches and 50kgs].
class gets over and K sez ,and i quote - "i have some STUFF tht might make you feel better,u wanna try it??" [all in bengali,his grasp on the queens language
suckz till date]
he didnt even had 2 ask,he shd hav known the answer beforehand.
i take the STUFF... n im officially introduced to the high-headed world of OTC drugs.

i ask for few more of the STUFF from my generous THEN best frnd K humbly obliges.
i come back and im informed about BHARATI pishi s critical state.
and my crying marathon hears the gun shot.


i can give you another such example ,again from personal experience but may be later.


[I later learnt tht she went 2 get notes n tht she had called t ma place to inform tht she wont b able 2 make it 2 d computer class tht day but cdnt reach me ...
but by then the damage had been done]