ANONYMOUS posts again...
good ones this time but nameless,yet again...
WHO R ALL U PEOPLE???


NWYZ,
the last poem was a rather poor but desperate attempt to break open that block in my mind which had prevented me from writing for quite some months now.
i kno that utter exasperation and frantic desperation SHOWED.

VIOLENCE is a medium,a physical,brutal way of expression.
expressions ranging from anger to loathe to hatred to sadness,dejection,ridicule,embarrassment and confusion.
VIOLENCE helps.IT DOES.
VIOLENCE when confronted , when tried to look straight into its fiery eyes ,is SCARY.
i remember having frenzied attacks of fear,fear of pure VIOLENCE.
i remember feeling so violent that for moments i stopped feeling human.
moments that went on for weeks.moments when the only way to save the person i didn't know anymore and the people i knew , was a locked room,an enclosure with shut doors.
YES,it helps.
coz when i come out of that room,n smell the air ,i feel human once again,the fear is reduced and violence replaced [though momentarily] by a flow,a flow of emotions,EMOTIONS which are meant to be felt and not expressed.
n POETRY/ART/VIOLENCE are forms of expression.

YES ,a few years compiled with an embarrassing amount of tears has,but mellowed the beast down...but the fear of it starting to breathe again is overwhelming.

a certain long lost but never forgotten GEM-in-I claims i have achieved the impossible.
i have SOBERED.
n i quote "u have found a way to channelize all that anger into various productive things".
i CANT disagree,NEVER could,NEVER did...
except once and that was IT.
PRODUCTIVE THINGS like what??
i was always a scribbler
few unfortunate but rather important turn of events kept me away from my sketch board.
for years.

i always had a way with words
i did write some amazing work-of-art love letters.

n music...
OSHO urges to play whatever one can to his hearts content without thinking if its utter and unbearable noise to ones neighbors.
NO,my flute isnt that noisy and my otherwise nosy but good natured neighbors
havnt complained n i have faint feeling that they never would.
my music is very amateurish ,i admit but its music none-the-less n its beautiful.

but i guess i accelerated my growth in the past 2-3 years.
i started reading when i was 20.
i started writing when i was 21.
i started drawing again [thanx to ELAAN http://www.elaan.org/ & PONCHI ] when i am 22.
and i havnt started thinking yet.
so the growth isnt complete.
i guess its never complete.
in fact the race,the wait itself is the growth.
n i am GROWING.n WAITING.n RUNNING.

N u can only be with me if u can run as fast.
but i seriously doubt it.